This wasn’t supposed to happen

Needless to say after cancelling several times on him Robert got irritated and stopped looking for me. Oh well, another one bites the dust!

I’ve seen David a couple more times but I’m on to his game-I know he and I are not going to get serious, I know this is strictly a “friends with benefits” type of relationship and honestly, I don’t mind.  I love spending time with him and we have some of the best conversations and despite him being cute and having his life together I don’t have any sort of feelings for him and I think he feels exactly the same! Who knew a man and a woman could have this kind of relationship and totally be ok with it? Guess I was wrong all those times I said it was impossible for a man and woman to have a “friend with benefits” relationship without someone getting hurt!

Marc on the other hand is a completely different story. We never spoke about being “exclusive” and I never got the sense that he was looking to go down that route. So imagine my surprise and horror when I broke his heart.

The night started off well. We had dinner, laughed at each other’s jokes and I was definitely looking forward to the end of the night portion of the date until he asked me to go out with him the following night and I had to turn him down. Maybe I should have lied but I am brutally honest (apparently) and when he asked why I couldn’t go out with him I told him the truth-I had a date. He looked at me as if I had just told him that I crashed his car. Horror! “Since when have you been seeing other people”  Me: “ummm the past couple of months, haven’t you?” Marc: “Ummm no! I thought you and I were just seeing each other” Ok moment of mortification. This has never happened before. What happened to that state of confusion of not knowing where we stand, does he like me? etc etc-That I can deal with! But this? Ughh, I feel nauseous.

I didn’t mean to hurt him-I genuinely care about his feelings but I don’t feel that sense of excitement, I have no butterflies when I see him. When see him I feel the “happy” feeling of knowing I am going to see a friend. But that’s all.

Our conversation didn’t end well. I knew this was probably the last time I would see him and the next morning when he sent me a text saying he couldn’t see me anymore because he felt like he was falling in love and felt that he had to protect himself, now knowing how I felt about him I knew I had just lost a good man. I felt sad. I don’t understand! Why don’t I have feelings for him? He’s a great guy! I hope I made the right choice in telling him the truth. Whats worse? Telling someone that likes you that you’re just not that into them? Or lying and hanging in a bit longer to see where it goes? What hurts least? Perhaps I will receive the answers over some drinks! To the bar I go!


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