A week had gone by since I last saw Miguel and I had decided that maybe what he needed was to not have me around everyday. No phone calls, no texts nothing at least for a couple of days, yet it felt like I was punishing myself as well because I missed him. I got used to speaking to him several times a day.
A day had passed without any word from him but by day 2 of my plan he sent me a text-maybe my plan was working!!
The weekend passed and no word from him once again-I hate these games! Finally on Monday he decided to send me a text saying he missed me, I replied I missed him as well and because I am a fool in love I asked to see him. Not seeing him for a week seemed fair enough to me. He replied back that we would definitely see each other soon but that it would be the last time. We had to stop seeing each other after that. Just like that! No explanation, no reason why. Of course I couldn’t just let it be so I called him immediately to demand an explanation but he ignored my phone calls and texts from that point on.
3 days went by and I never heard from him! I honestly felt like a zombie. I was living but had no idea what was going on because my mind was completely consumed with thoughts of him, and scenarios playing over and over again in my head trying to make sense of his odd behavior. Not having an explanation was not good enough for me, so the crazy person that I am decided to send him an email. Thank goodness for technology! How did girls stalk their boyfriends before the golden ages of computers and cell phones??
Almost three weeks had passed before he decided to call and respond to my email. My heart literally stopped for a minute as I saw his name appear on my screen and I actually startled all the other shoppers in Target whenI let out an “OMG.” Again he says he wants to meet in person to explain but this time I don’t take that for an answer. I tell him I cannot meet him that night because I had a date-my first date with someone new since our “break-up” and I had a busy week ahead of me with the holidays around the corner. I couldn’t be kept in suspense any longer. Looking back part of me wishes I hadn’t been so persistent to get the information because it tore me apart. As it turned out, he had continued to see the girl he met while I was in Brazil and she knew of me and asked him to make a choice-it was me or her and she won. I wasn’t sure if it was to soften the blow but he said he wasn’t sure he had made the right choice and was really torn between the two, he said he missed me and our times together and hoped that we could “be friends and see where our relationship” would go-if anywhere. I was stunned. I was frozen in the middle of Target. After three weeks of not hearing his voice it all came back to me. I thought I was starting to accept us being over, even making a date with someone else but I knew. I still loved him, I still cried for him and now hearing his voice I had a flashback of all our times together, our laughs, how he held me, kissed me & hugged me as we slept together and I almost broke down in Target. So I did what I had to do. I told him that for three weeks I had waited for his call, for his explanation. That I missed his company, I missed the way we were, that as much as I wanted to let by gone be by gone and be his friend I couldn’t. Maybe in the future, but right now I’m not ready to forgive and my forget my nights, days, weeks of wondering and crying and now that I do know I have a feeling that those days of crying aren’t over.