So much for that!

So much can change in such a short span of time. Just 2 weeks ago I was day dreaming on the beach about that night Miguel and I spent together. In the 2 weeks after, we never had sex again. But there were a couple of times that we came close and when we have been together he has always been flirty, sweet and cute. He was like the Miguel I had fallen in love with. Just a week after coming home from The Hamptons it was Labor Day and Miguel and I were over yet again! It was a mess and it seemed so final this time. Now I know I have said this before but this time it really did feel final because this time it got mean. In the short year I have known him and had this telenovela kind of love with him he has never cursed, yelled or got loud with me. We definitely had our problems but it was never mean, just sad. Now it was both.
He basically called me a jealous liar and a drunk. He claimed that at the labor day bbq we were at, I got ridiculosly drunk and acted “like a different person.” That being friends with me was so difficult because he knew I was still in love with him.

Truth be told that I am in love with him but the way he said it was cruel. it made me so angry. I immediately got defensive. Later I found out that he called me a liar because my sister (also a drunken mess) decided to ask him what was going on between us and he told her we were just friends and she responded that friends dont sleep together. That set it off. He was mad that I had told her. He told a totally different version of what happened that night. He made it sound like I seduced him, I initiated everything and he didnt even want to sleep with me because he respected our friendship so much. Feel free to yell out loud at the crock of b.s!

He’s the one who told me to take my clothes off and get comfortable. He’s the one who told me that it was near impossible to lay next to me in bed and not devour me. Yes he used the word devour. He was totally flirting!  I gave in. Personally, I didnt even understand why it even mattered who initiated it. We both wanted it and we both knew how amazing it was afterwards. Why was he saying this to me? I let my temper get the best of me because I totally yelled at him. I told him I didnt love him, I wasnt in love with him but that he would never accept that because he was so arrogant and vain and that made him unattractive. I reminded him of how he broke up with me and the pain he caused me. That made him angrier for some reason. I told him he couldn’t remember everything correctly because he was a pot head & its completely distorted his memory. The grand finale was when I told him that deep inside his real problem is that he’s just too damm scared to let what we have happen. He needs to push me away whenever we are good because it’s too good and commitment is scary to him the way walking through Central park at 2 am is scary to me! That was enough for him to hear. He said he didn’t think we could be friends anymore I replied that was totally fine with me becuase I was just about to say the same. If we had ended like that, it would have been too easy. He had to get the last word in and it did exactly what he intended to do. It killed me. He said “the worse part about this all is that I love you, no actually I adore you but everything has to be your way.” I hung up on him. Nothing left to say after that. I immediately sent him a text telling him to erase my number and forget I existed. He replied. Said I was being silly that he could never act as I had not existed because he loved me whether I believed him or not. It was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to have but I knew it was long overdue. I had to discover a life without him. Completely without him. It was done and there was no going back.

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