It’s been two weeks since Jesus and I stopped speaking. I miss him, I miss talking to him and miss spending time with him and I still feel bad, wondering if I did the right thing.
Last I heard Miguel and Dayanara moved in together, they were obviously happy so I probably just threw away a potential someone for a definite no one. But I Missed him, I missed him more now than even before Jesus. It was then I realized that this whole time what I’ve been trying to do is find a comparable love, someone who will help me forget Miguel ever even existed. Sometimes I even dream about him, I wonder about him and sometimes he even texts me to say hello. He’ll invite me out to dinner or to concerts or whatever but always with his girlfriend in tow. That isn’t weird at all right? Me on a date as a third wheel with my ex-boyfriend I am still in love with and his current girlfriend. I always turn the invites down, I’m not ready to see them together or see someone else make him smile the way I used to.
Then one day he calls from a number I don’t recognize so I unknowingly answer. (otherwise I would’ve sent it to voicemail) “what is wrong with you?” “Hello?” “Yea it’s me, what is wrong with you?” “Miguel?” “obviously yes, it’s me, why are you being so weird?’ “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “yes you do, I invite you out all the time, you never come. I call you, I text you and you don’t always call back or respond and when you do it’s so quick and kinda cold. What the fuck?” I don’t have the courage to tell him the truth. I bite my lip to keep from crying. My voice cracks and I answer “What do you want?” “What I want is to know why you have completely shut me out of your life! What I want is to know why you are different?” “Because I love you, I always have and I’m scared.”